Whether you’re exclusively breastfeeding, supplementing with breast milk donation or formula, pumping, formula feeding, or combining several approaches, you deserve support and information.
There are not many parts of early parenthood that hold as much judgment and discussion as feed your baby. Feelings of guilt and shame can make the decision about how to feed your baby even more unnecessarily difficult. So, if you are in the midst of difficult feelings when it comes to feeding your baby, please take a breath with me.
You know the most information about you, your baby and your situation, which means you are the most qualified person to make these kinds of decisions. And also, fed is best. Period.
When Feeding Your Baby Doesn’t Go According to Plan
Many parents have a vision of how feeding their baby will look. Sometimes that goes to plan and other times . . . it doesn’t.
Personally, I planned to have an easy time breastfeeding and to do so until age two. That plan was derailed on day one when I realized breastfeeding was much more difficult and much more painful than I anticipated. Through so much research about latching, tongue tie revisions, supplementing with formula and pumping, I breastfed both of my kids for a combined 24 months.
Recently, I spoke with a newborn photography client who was navigating breastfeeding challenges and searching for solutions that felt right for their family. Our conversation reminded me how many parents aren’t aware of the resources available when breastfeeding isn’t going as planned. I definitely was not aware! I’ve combined my experience and research to share some information and support.
What Is Breast Milk Donation?
Breast milk donation occurs when a lactating parent provides expressed milk to another baby who needs it.
Some donations happen through formal milk banks, while others occur directly between families through community-based donor networks.
Many parents produce more milk than their own baby needs and choose to share their extra milk with families who are struggling with supply, premature birth, medical challenges, adoption, or other feeding circumstances.
I personally donated hundreds of ounces of breast milk while nursing my own babies, and it remains one of the most meaningful ways I’ve been able to support other families during the newborn season. I helped a set of premature twins with my breastmilk, as well as an adopted newborn.
How Breast Milk Banks Work
Many hospitals work with milk banks that collect, screen, pasteurize, and distribute donor breast milk.
The largest nonprofit milk banking organization in North America is:
The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA)
You can learn more about milk donation and accredited milk banks through: https://www.donatemilk.org
Milk banks provide an incredible service, particularly for medically fragile and premature infants.
In many cases, families need a prescription or recommendation from a healthcare provider or lactation professional to obtain donor milk through a milk bank. Availability, eligibility requirements, and costs vary by location.
While this option can be lifesaving for many babies, it can also become expensive depending on insurance coverage and individual circumstances.
Community-Based Donor Milk Sharing
Some families choose to connect directly with breast milk donors through peer-to-peer milk-sharing networks.
One of the largest organizations facilitating these connections is Human Milk for Human Babies (HM4HB). The organization maintains state-specific groups that allow local families to connect with potential donors and recipients. Here is the link to the Portland, OR breastmilk donor facebook group.
These groups often allow parents to:
- Find local breast milk donors
- Request milk for babies needing supplementation
- Ask questions about milk storage and transportation
- Connect with families experiencing similar feeding journeys
Because milk is shared directly between families, donor milk is often provided free of charge. If someone is charging you, I would make sure this is a legit source. Families should always do their own research, ask questions, and make informed decisions that feel comfortable for their situation.
Fed Is Best
This is the most important part of this entire article. A well-fed baby and a supported parent matter more than any feeding method.
Breastfeeding can be wonderful. Donor milk can be wonderful. Formula can be wonderful.
The right choice is the one that works for your baby, your body, your mental health, your family’s resources, and your overall wellbeing.
One of my own children needed formula for a period of time, and I have never believed that feeding decisions should be reduced to a simple “best” versus “not best” conversation. Parents deserve realistic support, not guilt. Your worth is not measured in ounces pumped, months breastfed, or the contents of a bottle. Your baby benefits more from a parent who feels supported and empowered.
Finding Support
If you’re struggling with feeding challenges, consider reaching out to:
- A lactation consultant
- Your baby’s pediatrician
- Your OB or midwife
- Local breastfeeding support groups
- Milk bank organizations
- Human Milk for Human Babies groups in your state
You do not have to navigate feeding challenges alone.
Final Thoughts
The newborn season can feel overwhelming enough without carrying the weight of feeding expectations.
Whether you’re breastfeeding, pumping, supplementing, using donor milk, formula feeding, or doing a combination of everything, you are doing the important work of caring for your baby.
Let's capture the chaos, while it's still here.
My baby-led and family-focused approach lets me capture frame-worthy smiles and joyful candid photos that tell your family's story.
